Monday, January 2, 2012

The woes of being a woman

Being a woman sometimes just flat out SUCKS! Yesterday was an awesome day. At five months pregnant, I fit the mold they talk about in those pregnancy books...exuding loads of energy, glowing, and happy. I got so much accomplished yesterday, was a joy to be around, and absolutely adored every aspect of my life.

Today....YEAH, I woke up extremely exhausted, irritated at EVERYTHING, and so very EMOTIONAL. Usually, our kids on our days off of work and school will come in and cuddle with us before we get up and today, I did not want to be touched. My sweet son that normally crawls up in the bed from the bottom first irritated me to the point to where I wanted to yell "PLEASE STOP MOVING!"

I seriously contemplated staying in bed and probably should have and hid from the world but I convinced myself to get up and make breakfast and get the kids dressed for our day. I internally swallowed the upset of having to make three things for breakfast knowing full and well that I put it all on myself and normally enjoyed doing this.

Later in the morning, our daughter had done something she wasn't supposed to and my husband corrected her and I started bawling...I have no idea why I did and when he asked me what was going on, I could only stammer "I don't know. I really don't know."

The day was supposed to be a fun day of football, lounging around with the kids and taking it easy to get ready for the week ahead. The football game started and everything finally started to even out a little. I think it helped that my Gamecocks were winning the game against Nebraska, a team I despise....I may have thrown all of my evil thoughts into that game, maybe.I downed two cups of coffee, internalized my smart ass remarks and tried my best to enjoy the football game, our company and our children. I made sure to involve myself in topics of discussion that were fun and to avoid any type of emotional conversations. I would have been a complete wreck had my husband decided to have a difficult conversation or one of my children were having an emotional day. It would have taken EVERY FIBER of my being not to say something emotional and irrational today.

I lucked out! Neither of those happened and the day ended in an almost success...almost because my husband and I did get into an argument...nothing that wasn't typical. I'm assuming the emotional hormone roller coaster stemmed because I made the contents of my future son's brain today or because I was sucking all the estrogen out of him. Regardless, the woes of being a woman have allowed me to practice handling the raging, emotional hormone b*tch that is inside of me. The pregnant one makes the PMS one look like a sweet little kitten. The ones that just sit there and play and are nothing but cuddly and cute.

These are the days I long to be a guy. From what I've seen, guys just fight it out and the problem is solved...that's it, end of story!  I hate having to deal with emotions especially the hard ones. I have learned that embracing them and comforting ourselves is a helluva lot easier than demanding understanding from others or expecting people to provide the comfort only we can give ourselves. When I'm like this, I just let myself know it's okay to have the emotion, ask myself why they are so prominent today and if it's just hormones, I put out that warning to my loved ones and keep reminding myself  "The raging b*tch (P)amela (M)ichelle (S)ilverstine is BAAAAACK!" (Yes, my hormone b*tch has her own name and alter ego). Of course the chocolate,  whining to great girlfriends, my mom, and a well trained husband help too.

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