One of my great girlfriends who always has the right words for every situation it seems, sent me a picture of a bunch of scrabble pieces and the word "CHOICE" in it. I looked at it and at first was annoyed by it. I was annoyed because what I'm dealing with right now is a choice that I made. I made the choice to go through and battle "the ugly". I didn't expect the wave of emotions that would flow in and out of m life during this process. I wanted someone to make those emotions easier to bear, I wanted someone to take care of me like I was sick; hell I even contemplated taking meds to lift my spirit. Thank goodness for friends and those that love me to talk me out of that one. I know her intent of sending this to me was to show me not to wallow in the dark but to climb through the dirt of the hole that I had created and bask with her in the sunshine.
So, I'm doing that. Right now, it's WAY too easy to stay in bed and pull the covers over my head, eat shit food, be angry at the world, not walk outside, and be ugly to everyone I see. That's not who I am though. So with some help, I am making the choice to drudge through this mess.
I made the choice to get up today and run 4 miles.
I made the choice to be sweet to my little girl and my little man instead of being critical.
I made the choice to find patience with this process and to treat it as an adult should; process emotions the way you should process them and LET THEM GO.
I made the choice to buy a total stranger a cup of coffee because someone did this for me a while back.
I made the choice to be present and interact with my husband instead of sulking like a teenager when I awoke this morning.
I am making the choice to not let his consume me but to allow it to be a part of me.
I am making the choice to find some joy in the day and to laugh EVERY DAY until I'm back to normal.
"You have the power to move forward no matter what setback or obstacles block your path. You have the power to live true to your highest vision of how your life can be. You have the power to follow and reach your dreams. You have all this power because you have the CHOICE. In each moment you can choose, independent of all other factors. What you think, what to say, and WHO YOU WANT TO BE!!!!" - from Positively Positive fan Dale Womack of Houston, Texas